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Big Dog Las Vegas

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On the Origin of Species

Some of you aren’t going to believe this, but all living things on this planet—from human beings all the way to plants and even bacteria—are at least your one trillionth cousins.

That’s right.

The newspaper delivered to your home each day comes from a tree that’s your hundred millionth cousin. The grass you mowed last Sunday was made up of some of your five hundredth millionth cousins. The last person you had sex with is probably your thousandth cousin. (You sick %#@$!) And even that jerk who cut you off this morning is at least your ten thousandth cousin. (There has to be at least one jerk in every family.)

Because we all stem from the same family tree (except for Tom Cruise)—and over the years, we branched out into all of the species you see before you today, not to mention the God may or may not know how many outdated and extinct ones.

Some of you might say: “Mr. Darwin—you’re out of your freakin’ mind. Humans give birth to humans, dogs give birth to dogs, sheep give birth to sheep, bacteria split into bacteria, chickens lay chicken eggs, fish lay fish eggs, carrot seeds grow into carrots, and watermelon seeds grow into watermelons. I’ve never seen a carrot seed grow into a fish, a bacteria give birth to a dog, or a chicken lay a snake egg—and I damn sure well have never seen a watermelon seed grow into a human, or a sheep give birth to a human. So how exactly do certain species give rise to other species?”

My response is:

Species turn into other species very slowly, through gradual changes that add up over a ton of generations.

As huge chunks of time pass, little changes add up.

It’s kind of like what would happen if you took one step east each day, your child continued taking a step east each day after your death, his child took a step east each day after your son’s death, and so on and so forth, generation after generation.

As the days, weeks, months, years, decades, and lifetimes passed, your family would still be in the same country, the same part of the country, and probably even the same state—but three thousand years from now, your distant descendant will end up drowning in some ocean or lake.

Wait a second. Uh… bad example.

It’s actually like what happens to a young, passionate, newlywed couple over time.

Day eight seems no different than day seven, day nine seems no different than day eight, and day ten seems no different than day nine—but forty years later, there’s not a thing about your spouse that you find the least bit tolerable, let alone likeable or lovable.

Living things tend to change the same way.

A tweak here and a tweak there, and the next thing you know, you’re Fred and Ethel Mertz.

Or, um… a tweak here, a tweak there, and within a billion years, an amoeba will become some piss drunk college guy puking into a toilet.

But there’s more to it than that.

The tweaks are guided and shaped by something.

Suppose we lived in a world where the biggest butthead usually ended up living the longest and having the most children. Well, after ten thousand years, the world would be nothing but a bunch of enormous buttheads (—sort of like modern day France, but bigger and with more people), due to a process known as Natural Selection of Buttheads, or Survival of the Biggest Butthead.

In other words, when certain traits (like, say, buttholeness) give a living thing a better chance of living longer and having more children, those traits tend to spread as they’re passed on from generation by generation.

But there’s just a bit more to it than that.

The world isn’t the same everywhere you look, and it hasn’t remained the same since day one.

A 1500s Las Vegas desert favors people who can bear hot weather, while a 2000s Las Vegas casino favors people who can count cards; in Silicon Valley, nerds get ahead, while in San Fernando Valley, silicone filled women (CENSORED); in the 20,000s BC, no on gave a crap if you could hit a small ball into a small hole with a club, whereas nowadays, Nike might give 20 million craps a year; and in the world of fashion modeling, huge butts usually equal small salaries, but in the world of hip-hop videos, a big butt can earn you $10,000 per cheek per month (and much more if you sleep with 50 Ice or Dre Z, MMD [Doctor of Murder and Marijuana]).

In other words, the world is filled with a wide variety of ever changing environments—and different environments favor different qualities, and shape living things differently over the generations.

But there’s just a bit more to it than that.

The world has contained and still contains barriers that prevent living things from migrating. If it weren’t for those barriers, living things and their genes would have the opportunity to get around and prevent a species from branching into two.

In other words, the world is sort of like a bunch of clubs—each of which has its own unique rules regarding who gets in (and no—the bouncer can’t be bribed).

Or better yet, it’s kind of like a bunch of clubs that almost never let anyone out, almost never let anyone new in, and only allow certain type of people to survive. (And you thought clubs in Harlem were violent.)

But there’s just a bit more to it than that.

Or actually, there isn’t.

Big Dog Custom

Memories (3 CD Boxed Set) $29.00 Spanning his career from the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s, this Memories three-disc collection contains 75 songs and over three hours of music from the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Track listing: Disc 1 – The 50’s That’s All Right Baby, Let’s Play House Heartbreak Hotel I Was The One Blue Suede Shoes I Want You, I Need You, I Love You Don’t Be Cruel Hound Dog Any Way You Want Me Love Me Tender Anyplace Is Parad…

Standing Room Only [Audio CD] Elvis Presley $58.99 This previously unreleased concept album, a 2-CD set from the Follow That Dream Collector Series, features the Las Vegas masters from February 1972 and the masters and outtakes from the March 1972 sessions at RCA. Track listing: Disc 1 – The Album Side 1: 1. Separate Ways 2. Never Been To Spain 3. You Gave Me A Mountain 4. For The Good Times 5. Fool 6. The Impossible Dream Side 2: 7. Burning Love …

Live in La [Audio CD] Elvis Presley $59.92 Live in LA contains the original soundboard recordings taken from Elvis Presley’s May 11th, 1974 performance at The Forum in Inglewood. Track listing: 1. Also Sprach Zarathustra 2. See See Rider 3. I Got A Woman/Amen 4. Love Me 5. Trying To Get To You 6. All Shook Up 7. Teddy Bear/Don’t Be Cruel 8. Love Me Tender 9. Steamroller Blues 10. Hound Dog 11. Fever 12. Polk Salad Annie 13. Why Me Lord 14….

Galvanized Metal Water Bucket, 12 Qt $5.55 No.612, 10-3/4″ x 10-1/4″H….

Las Vegas At Night – 2000 Pieces $9.81 Often billed as The Entertainment Capital of the World, Las Vegas is the most populous city in the state of Nevada. Vegas is an internationally renowned major resort city for shopping, entertainment, and gambling. This 2000-piece puzzle captures a breathtaking view of Sin City in all of its illuminated glory. Las Vegas at Night measures 38×26 assembled….

Ravensburger Vegas – 300 Pieces Large Format Puzzle $11.64 This large format jigsaw puzzle features a collage of images including signs and hotels found in Las Vegas, Nevada. The puzzle contains 300 pieces and when assembled measures approximately 20 x 27 inches. Large format puzzles feature over-sized pieces that are easier to handle than regular puzzles….

Buffalo Games Las Vegas – Panoramic Puzzle – Glow in the Dark $9.01 Las Vegas Glow in the Dark Panoramic Cityscape puzzle is a spectacular panoramic skyline of the Entertainment Capital of the World!The bright lights of Sin City will truly be a glow in this breathtaking puzzle.When assembled, this puzzles measures over 3 feet long. You’ll have a bird’s eye view of the city’s famous sights.This 750-piece puzzle assembles to 38 1/4x 11 1/4 ….

Bully Dog 40410 Triple Dog GT Gas Gauge Tuner $351.59 Triple Dog GT Gas Gauge Tuner Adjustable +23.5 hp/30 lbs.-ft. Torque…

Bully Dog 40420 Triple Dog GT Diesel Gauge Tuner $523.65 The Triple Dog GT is a new revolution in diesel performance products. It is the only product of its kind; a compact device that can download new tunes to a diesel, adjust horsepower levels on-the-fly, and monitor multiple vehicle function with a high quality color screen. Before the Triple Dog GT the Bully Dog Performance Management Tool was the only product to encompass all of the product feature…

Bulletproof Asset Protection $2.74 Learn more about the power of using Nevada and Bahamian Corporations to bulletproof your assets, secure your financial privacy and ensure your total peace of mind in this informative and powerful book. Topics include how to: Shelter your home, auto, savings, and everything else you own from creditors, Divorce-proof your assets, Block the IRS from levying your wages or seizing your property, Gain t…

The Frugal Gambler $0.95 One of the All-Time Best-Selling Gambling Books Now Updated Learn the low-roller secrets for: Staying free at hotel-casinos Beating casino promotions Eating and drinking on the house Playing video poker for profit Getting bumped from airplanes and flying for free Though Jean Scott was well-known to a select few Las Vegas aficionados throughout the ’90s, it wasn’t until the publication of the first…

Turning the Tables on Las Vegas $8.00 Presents a winning system and, even more importantly, explains how to avoid being detected once you begin to use it….